work in progress #2

SOUTH OF THE BORDER, WEST OF THE SUN.

Definitivamente um livro muito bem escrito.
O primeiro de muitos Haruki Murakami que irei ler.
Incrivel como os livros caem em minhas maos exatamente nos momentos em que preciso le-los, ou - como no caso deste, no momento em que preciso ir fundo.
Tenho vivido de uma insonia constante. Demoro a dormir e tenho acordado pela madrugada, quase sempre entre 04:20 e 04:32. E depois, nao volto mais a dormir. Os pensamentos me tomam de assalto. Mergulho em aguas ansiosas. Sem respostas claras, o sono nao volta.
Dores de cabeca sao frequentes.
To ficando velho. Older and Older day by day. Deve ser isso.

Vou repassar alguns trechos do livro. Dois ou tres, curtinhos. Alguns me tocaram.
Se gostar, te empresto depois. OK?

"We were, the two of us, still fragmentary beings, just beginning to sense the presence of an unexpected, to-be-acquired reality that would fill us and make us whole. We stood before the door we'd never seen before. The two of us alone, beneath a faintly flickering light, our hands tightly clasped together for a fleeting ten seconds of time."

-------

"Our world's exactly the same. Rain falls and the flowers bloom. Noo rain, they wither up. Bugs are eaten by lizards, lizards are eaten by birds. But in the end, every one of then dies. They die and dry up. One generation dies, and the next one takes over. That's how it goes. Lots of diferent ways to live. And lots of diferent ways to die. But in the end that doesn't make a bit of difference. All that remains is a desert."

-------

"(...) Nat King Cole was singing 'South of the border'. How many years had it been since I heard that tune?

'When I was a kid and listened to this record, I used to wonder what it was that lay south of the border', I said.

-------

'Me too', she said. 'When I grew up and could read the English lyrics, I was disappointed. It was just a song about Mexico. I'd always thought something great lay south of the border'.

'Like what?'

Shimamoto brushed her hair back and lightly gathered it behind. 'I'm not sure. Something beautiful, big and soft.'

'Something beautiful, big, and soft', I repeated. 'Was it edible?'

She laughed. Her white teeth showed faintly. 'I doubt it'.

'Something you can touch?'

'Probably'."

-------

" 'But what is there, west of the sun?' I asked."

-------

"As I had looked deep into her eyes and called out her name, my own body was dragged down into those depths. As if a vacuum had sucked out all the air around me, that other world was steadily pulling me closer. Even now I could feel its power. It wanted me.

I closed my eys tight. And drove those memories from my mind.

I reached out and stroked her hair. I touched her ears, rested my hand on her forehead. Her body was warm and soft. She sucked on my penis as if trying to suck out life itself. Her hand, communicating in some secret sign language, continued to move between her legs, under her skirt. A short time later, I came in her mouth; her hand under her skirt ceased moving, and she closed her eyes. She swallowed down the very last drop of my semen."

-------

"Inside that darkness, I saw rain falling on the sea. Rain softly falling on a vast sea, with no one there to see it. The rain strikes the surface of the sea, yeat even the fish don't know it is raining.

Until someone came and lightly rested a hand on my shoulder, my thoughts were of the sea."

work in progress

Let's bring some passion to our lifes: let's clap our hands to "Mr. Champagne" (Sean Penn)

I just gave up! I'm horrible writing in english.

How can I tell you about this fucking movie and about this fucking passion in a language I don't know how to say SAUDADE? Or, not going too far, in a language that I still need to learn how to spell "Thanksgiving"?

MILK

Fui sozinho ao cinema ontem. Escolhi um lugar que para mim 'e muito especial na 23rd st com a 9th avenue, CLEARVIEW THEATER, acho que e' esse o nome. Escolhi a sessao das 07:45, porque como ontem era THANKSGIVING day, imaginei que nesse horario as pessoas ainda estariam nas suas casas celebrando. Engano meu, a sessao estava cheia. Tambem pudera: primeira semana de apresentacao de um dos filmes mais comentados da temporada aqui.

Ate mesmo porque este 'e um filme politico. GAY e politico. Trata da historia do primeiro ativista gay americano a ser eleito a um importante papel politico, neste caso uma especia de vereador da cidade de San Franciso. Ele conseguiu uma das mais importantes emendas em prol da comunidade gay aqui nos Estados Unidos. E, nao sei se e' sabido dos meus compatriotas ai no Brasil, ha' cerca de duas semanas atras o Estado da California votou NAO para a emenda que permitiria a casamento entre pessoas do mesmo sexo. Houveram manifestacoes em todo o pais, duas aqui em NY - das quais nao participei porque estava trabalhando. A emenda se chama PROPOSITION 8.

Neste mote, dizem alguns intelectuais que foi barrado o lancamento do filme na epoca da votacao, ja que com certeza teria repercutido favoravelmente a causa. Enfim.

Mr. Van Sant conseguiu fazer um filme realmente historico. Estao ali todos os caracteristicos estereotipos gays que voce pode imaginar, e os atores se beijam, e tem sexo, e falam abertamente sobre suas opcoes e relacionamentos. Mas o melhor: o filme 'e tao carregado de senso politico e humano que sequer ouvi comentarios sobre as tais cenas. Depois do furacao BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN ou os americanos estao menos consevadores ou a atual cena economica e politcia do pais realmente comeca a mostrar seu poder de transformacao.

'E muito gostoso ver que mesmo quando ele dirige um filme mainstrean, MR. Van Sant nao perde a mao em seu estilo independente e, do meu ponto de vista, equilibrado e despretencioso. O filme abre com cenas documentais de como era a cena gay nos Estados Unidos pre-1970. Imagens de homens sendo carregados para fora de bares e empilhados dentro de furgoes policiais, fotos de jornais de diferentes partes dos EUA mostrando as iniciativas da policia para proteger o pais dos avancos "liberais". Tudo embalado pelos creditos iniciais, que de tao simples ja parecem mostrar que IMPORTANTE MESMO 'E A HISTORIA QUE VOU CONTAR.

A primeira imagem de "MR. CHAMPAGNE" (Sean Penn, mesmo) ja faz voce desequilibrar e abrir seu peito. Diferente de qualquer outro papel ja desempenhado por esse que sem duvida 'e dos maiores atores do nosso tempo, Sean Penn conseguiu retirar qualquer traco agressivo de seu caracter e emprestar toda a suavidade e delicadeza ao personagem. MR. HARVEY MILK esta muito longe de ser uma "mocinha", mas ele trafega livremente por sua sexualidade e delicadeza.

Sean Penn e' quem tem a maior bagagem dentre os atores. A maioria dos que contracenam com ele fazem parte de uma novissima e talentosa geracao.

Um SALVE a MR. JAMES FRANCO, absurdamente o homem mais sexy do mundo nesse instante. As cenas de casal entre ele e Sean Penn sao de tamanha sensualidade e definitivamente embaladas de AMOR, que comeco a chorar agora so por lembrar.

Estou tentando nao contar cenas do filme, mas somente transcrever minhas emocoes daquilo que assisti.

Impossivel nao falar de um dos momentos que para mim garantem a criatividade e sensibilidade do diretor: as cenas de um assassinato sendo mostradas atraves do reflexo em um apito - que em questao, representava um icone anti-opressao. BELISSIMO.

Durante as duas horas da exibicao voce consegue rir e chorar simultaneamente. Voce nao chora por qualquer tipo de drama. Na verdade, uma das caracteristicas mais notaveis desse diretor - em minha opiniao - e' mostrar paixao, retirar paixao e imprimir paixao de alguma maneira em todos os seus filmes.

E neste, em especial, ha tanta paixao!

Paixao de um homem que quer mudar uma situacao opressora, paixao de tantos outros que se unem a ele, paixao por ser voce mesmo, paixao por amar!

E se esse nao for um dos romances mais lindos que vi nas telas do cinema, e' porque realmente nao entendo bulhufas do assunto.

Eu sai do cinema completamente dentro de mim. Nada escapava atraves da minha pele. Aquele historia de alguma maneira chegou tao proximo do que estou vivendo que definitivamente era um momento para eu explodir. E eu explodi.

Numa maratona de telefonemas eu consegui falar com minha irma atraves do celular da Camila. Ja eram 01:30 no Brasil. Explodi. Era tudo que eu precisava. Jogar para fora.

Chorei sem parar e sem qualquer tipo de interrogacao da saida do cinema ate a 14th st com a 2nd ave. E este 'e um tipo de paixao.

Enfim... espero que eu consiga agucar a curiosidade dos que me lerem para ver esse filme.

UM PROJETO GRANDIOSO E APAIXONADO, que te pega pelos bracos, lava tua cabeca com agua fria e sabao e diz: te mexe meu rapaz! te busca! nao va te perder por ai!

Risos. To rindo agora. Eu sempre abro mao de politicas e qualquer outra coisa quando posso falar em PAIXAO. Por que? Por que?

E' algo que nao consigo responder mas que a cada dia que passa me acostumo um pouco mais a viver com isso.

where is my mind?

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
But there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself

Where is my mind

Way out in the water
See it swimmin'

I was swimmin' in the Caribbean
Animals were hiding behind the rocks
Except the little fish
But they told me, he swears
Tryin' to talk to me, coy koi.

Where is my mind

It's like in the Pixies song. One of my favorites.

Last night I found this pictures in my mobile. I didn't realize they are there. Completely by chance.

I was at a bar, after watch a dance concert in China Town, having a drink with my friend and I decided to take a picture of us. And it was there. Two pictures that I didn't have knowledge.

What do you think?

Good ones, right?!

Good photographer.

...

...

The dance concert was very experimental. 7 small acts to create a big scene.

The first one was very good. A chinesse couple. A handsome boy really good dancer.

They were talking about love and solitude.

The other 6 were a mess! Risos. Really bad. Like "my first year dance class".

I don't know to much about dance, but I have my taste and my own opinion about arts.

To you have an idea, the second act had two women dancers.

They were wearing a really ugly costume and they were a tiny fat.

They were dancing like two lesbian crabs. RISOS. I only could thougth this during the presentation. RISOS. TWO LESBIAN CRABS PINCHING ONE EACH OTHER. AND JUMPING. AND FALLING. AND HIT THE GROUND. Risos.

Let me stop here...

...

...

Tomorrow is Thanks Given Day. But... I don't know what to think about it.

Maybe it'll be a good day to stay home. Maybe a good movie and a good dinner prepare by myself. But i still don't know.

...

...

Ahhh... I forgot to say... I watched "THE CHRISTMAS TALE", and The Cannes Brothers will be crazy when they watch it. Juergen, I'm always trying to call to you, but something really wrong happens all time. I'll try again this night, ok? Be ready.

...

...

...

...

...

...

Where is my mind?

Where is my mind?

Where is my mind?

keep learning! keep trying to write in english.

So... listenning friends, I'm going to write in english again.
This have been a crazy week.
Crazy for bad, but really crazy for good sometimes.

No, about that interview everybody knew, I don't get it.
Papers papers papers. Where is your papers?
I said no no no, like in the Amy Winehouse song.
But even after all, I receive an invitation for a movie.
That's good.
You don't have a new job, but your ex-future boss invited you for a movie.
God Save America!

To compensate that NO JOB FOR YOU, last night was amazing.
I arranged a meeting with Michael, five years virtual friend of my Best Friend Mario.
Michael have been living at the city for two months, so we are both pretty new new yorkers.
I met him at 42nd st and 3rd ave and we walked to NOWHERE bar in east village 14th st.
The night was not so cold, perfect for a walking.
We talked about his job and about my life here, hard times for me and really good time for him.
He is working for an advertising company. We talked about music and books and love and buddha and tatoos.
After three drinks I took my phone and called to Mario in Brazil... Mario is so funny and out control that he told me:
"DON'T FORGET HE IS MY BOYFRIEND. I KNEW HIM FIVE YEARS AGO AND WE ARE TOGETHER. YOU'RE MY FRIEND. TAKE CARE OF HIM".
I couldn't stop laughting about that. Mario is insane. But to make him more calm, I told: DON'T WORRY, BABE. YOU KNOW ME.

End of the night, a good walking around Greenpoint, Brooklyn. You know how much I like that place? I really would like to live there.
Crossing the MacCarren Park at 10 p.m., some guys playing american football and the beautiful skyline of Manhattan in front of you. A soft rain falling down the sky.
"YOU DESERVE SO MUCH TO BE HERE", I thought.

Michael lives in a nice apartment. He shares the place with 3 other guys. Why I'm telling this?
Because two of this guys are Iraqi refugees. Gays.
And when I arrived at the place one of those guys, Mohammed, wearing a skinny cotton pants, black and white striped socks and black and white striped sleveless t-shirt told me:
- Nice hair.
- Thanks.
- Where are you from?
- Brazil.
- Uh, so that's why you're hot.
RISOS. RISOS. RISOS.
I only could think one thing: THE AMERICAN INVASION OF IRAQI IT WAS REALLY GOOD FOR AT LEAST TWO GUYS.
Can you imagine a gay guy having this kind of conversation there?
Never.
Good people. Good to listen their histories. Good to know more about the world and how people try to survive. Good to see their strange faces telling me everything will be allright. That maybe I could find a lesbian girl and get marriage with her. Risos. Good stop thinking for a while.

I woke up this morning feeling really well and happy. I ate a big sanduich at a Greek deli and drunk a coffee while I walked to the subway station.
I'm pretty sure something really good is coming.
Can you feel it too?

da esperanca.

preciso de um novo emprego.
confio ter um novo emprego.
mereco ter um novo emprego.
tenho a permissao para um novo emprego.

ok. todos juntos, heim.
preciso do axe de todos.

um rio nunca para de correr ate chegar ao mar.

SOU TODO MARINHEIRO, e estou indo AO ENCONTRO.

da beleza.

da beleza de espelhar aquilo que se ve.
da beleza de espalhar aquilo se sabe.
always knew the body. the body: serious.
my heroine.
Manuela Eichner.

da beleza de descobrir.

http://br.youtube.com/watch?v=1QclAvhsqaA&feature=related - UNANU
http://br.youtube.com/watch?v=qFfiFW1PaNg - AR-RACIFhttp://br.youtube.com/watch?v=o3UH7ex6LNM - objetoclaroesemnome

"deixa a saudade em repouso
(em estacao de aguas)
tomando conta
desse objeto claro
e sem nome".

Oh, Bunitinha

sempre contigo, sempre comigo

amor de dois.

encontros e desencontros:

nao pode haver cena mais contemporanea do que aquela em que Bill Murray encontra Scarlet Johansen no meio de uma rua movimentada da altamente iluminada Toquio e confessa ao seu ouvido algo comum a todos os que ainda acreditam.
Sim. Estou perdido.
Nao. Nao tenho vergonha disso.
Em tempos de colera quando se torna a cada dia mais dificil encontrarmos alguem a quem possamos dedicar o nosso melhor, eu, um menino em constante dessinicio, nao sei ainda como controlar o que esta em mim.
YES. I AM NOT A UNDER CONTROL KIND OF PERSON.
Como eu disse `a minha irma, Manuela:
"sinto como se eu tivesse uma caixinha de fosforos dentro de mim. E toda a vez que tento queimar um dos palitos a caixinha fica ainda mais cheia. Agora e' tempo de espera. Sei que logo logo vou conseguir pegar um palitinho de cada vez e ir queimando eles em luz explosiva. Mas ao final, a caixinha fica vazia denovo."
Nao e' assim?
Risos. Silly boy.
Nova Iorque e' do tamanho de uma ervilha.
Hoje eu estava andando pelas ruas, para pensar.
Estava indo ao encontro do meu amigo Marcio. Agora estou na casa dele, fazia muito tempo que eu nao dormia aqui.
Mas o que eu quero contar para justificar a historia da ervilha, e' que quando eu estava passando exatamete em frente ao endereco do homem-caixinha de fosforos e senti aquela chama brilhar forte e densa, acabei aceitando um flerte na rua pela primeira vez. Um homem lindo, negro, vestindo um casaco cinza e longo, charmoso e aparentemente boa pessoa. Ele me olhou e eu retribui. Aceitei que ele chegasse.
- How are you, perguntei.
- I'm good.
E com a mao extendida para mim e minha mao ao alcance da dele, ouvi:
- My name is ................
E agora deixo para voce completar os pontinhos.
Yes. Exato. Acredite ou nao seu nome era o mesmo escrito na caixinha de fosforos.
Perguntei em rebate: What?
E com a voz ainda mais firme ele repetiu.
Falei em contrapartida:
- Wow! This name... wow... this name...................
Ele disse:
- This is karma.
Sem medo algum respondi a uma pergunta que ele nao havia feito:
- Yes. Must be. But now I can't change. Nice to meet you. Good luck.
New York is a pea. A small green pea.
E as ruas aqui sao tao movimentadas quanto as de Toquio. Ou Sao Paulo. Ou Porto Alegre mesmo.
E quem tem forcas continua esperando para ouvir algum segredo.
LOST IN TRANSLATION.





P.S.: to amando meu corpo de pessoa que acorda cedo para ir malhar. Bailarino.

tempo de falar em estrelas...

mas eu ja tenho um telefone novo. mesmo numero.
hoje nao tem nenhuma nota. so fotos.
times square ontem a noite.

S.O.S.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I JUST CALL TO SAY I LOST MY PHONE.

Really. I lost my phone last night. Shit!

So. I'm dumb. For a while.

NOW I AM...

- reading a new book. SOUTH OF THE BORDER, WEST OF THE SUN, Haruki Murakami. I only read the first chapter, but looks like a beautiful story about human being. Easy english, easy reading.

- in love with the new KINGS OF LEON album. ONLY BY THE NIGHT is an amazing album, energetic guitars, powerful lyrics. My favorite is the pop one: Sex on Fire. Not for nothing, here goes some lines: Hot as a fever, rattling bones / I could just taste it, taste it / If it's not forever, If it's just tonight / Oh, it's still the greatest, the greatest, the greatest / You, your sex ison fire / And you, your sex is on fire / Consumed with what's to transpire.

- liking to take pictures of the New York sky. It's because had being beautiful days in the town. Maybe my sister's influences, 'cause she loves the sky too. BLUE BLUE BLUE!

- workig out almost everyday. I have the necessary discipline, but I don't have the same schedule to eat I used to have in Brazil. And I don't have a protein shake too. But babe, I'm getting muscles! I'M TOUGH!

- playing karaoke on youtube. RISOS! It's easy... Play the video and take the lyrics on google. My set list is: HAPPY TOGETHER, The Turtles; NO I IN THREESOME, Interpol; YOUR ENGLISH IS GOOD, Tokyo Police Club and BOYS DON'T CRY, The Cure. I'm planning to create a band.

- feeling good than ever
BUT
- missing my friends all time.

- freezing. 'Cause it's getting colder and colder
BUT
- not freezing only when I am naked. YEAHH... BELIEVE ME. But wait: I don't use to be naked all time or all around the town. Only with... OK OK. I'm not finishing this line because you don't need to know when or where or with whom I FEEL THAT HOT.

This is what I AM... now.

And right now I'm going to eat a sandwich from PIADA'S. A good italian place here in Lower East Side that I adore. And the sandwiches have FELLINI'S MOVIES NAME.

yummy yummy...

blue sky.

New York, november 11, 2008.

Today was a great day. Beautiful sky in the morning. Blue. The perfect one for me. Just blue like I like it. And now, at night, a great big moon telling histories in the dark sky.

My camera is not a good one. So I apologize for not have good images.

But if I can tell you about the histories The Moon told me..............................................

I'm pretty sure you'll like it.

changes.

"Strange fascination, fascinating me
Ah changes are taking the pace Im going through


Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
[...]
Ch-ch-changes
Pretty soon now youre gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time"





The world is changing and you need to change. How fascinating it was to be here yesterday night it's almost impossible to describe. And from the macro to my personal world what is it matters to talk about my birthday two days ago now that the world is another one? Yeah yeah yeah. We stil cannot see any big changing. However, Mr. Obama put his name in history already. The first "african-american" elected president of "the greatest nation in the world". The echoes they surround.
When I leaved my job at 9 p.m. I decided to walk around the Rockefeller Center, trying to figure it out that dumb caos I was feeling. Everybody was waiting for the results. And televisions from all around the world expressing their points of view about one of the most important facts in the recent history. Crowds of people there.
I went home to see the news on television.
My phone was ringing all time. Brazilian curious friends calling to ask about my impressions. Brazilians friends who live here talking about their impressions. At 11:30 p.m. with the enough votes counted to declared the new president of Unidet States od America I received a message from the closer american I know here. A simple one word message, high in tone: OBAMA!
It was done. AND THE WORLD CHANGED.
But like in David Bowie's song it's important to remember that WE CAN'T TRACE THE TIME. And positive and significant changes require time.
Mr. Obama is like a new icon pop here. And in the rest of world too. Caetano Veloso sings about Obama. And like in Caetano's new album THIS WILL BE A WORK IN PROGRESS. Mr. Obama is the new Mickey Mouse. He has the positive attitude. He looks confident. People believe he deserves. And at last, like an end has a start, folks gave him the permission to be.
Trust. Worthiness. Permission.
Now is wait. I hope that people in this country be able to accept this changing and more: that people know that Mr. Obama does not have super powers. That this is not "FANTASIA". The world is changing and YOU NEED TO CHANGE. Otherwise, will not have been worthwhile.

But what do I know about American politics?

The thing I know is that I'm changing.
I changed a lot since I'm here.
My birthday was amazing.
Had cake. Had friends. Had gifts. Had wishes. Had a man in my wishes. And had the man.
Mario cald me.
Giza and Izury cald me.
My parents and young sister cald me.
I received Vinicus' letter.
Friends talked with me through internet pages.
Diva send me a beautiful text message.
I went to Central Park to be by myself. It was a beautiful day. The trees are in dark yellow and red. A touch of brown in the middle. I sat over there to see the people. A young japanese grooms were taking pictures. And there was Jazz.
Do you know how lucky I am?
Sometimes I forget how lucky I am.
And I prayed. Not for one God. But for life.
I asked for THE LIFE to protect me.
To I don't hurt myself. To nobody hurt me. To I don't hurt anyone.
I asked to THE LIFE always give me the necessary impetus to the time of the flight.
And I thanked.

Now, to make you really believe I'm a lucky man,
A NEW OLD MAN ALWAYS BOY,
in the first day of my 28 years old
I HAD MY HEAD WASHED BY THE HANDS A MAN I CARE WITH.
And if in the future this could sounds like past, this new man I am is now trying to get the hang of living one day after other, WHATEVER KEEPING HIS EYES TO THE SKY.

And in the second day: my Heroine, Manuela, my sister, wrote in the letter I get in my hands: "I hope that you have good chances for your life in this land, and that you keep yourself searching your poetry. You can't stop writing. (...) ah my dear, I love you and my wish for you comes in red. Open yourself completelly to the world that someone is coming to surprise you. (...) always with you. always with me. Le petit grand Manuela".

Thank's each one in this little personal history.