why so serious?

happiness could be so simple.

a night in halloween.

be teased for The Joker.

In Halloween the doors of madness are open.
It's a party for all ages.
The kiddos are the most special, of course. Your heart melt when you see a little bee, a little lion, a little doll. Or a little I-pod, 'cause the costumes are the most creatives.
It's interesting to see how they have fun!
And it's all about fun... there's no sex, at least in the beggining.
People exposed themselves in a way they do not used to do regurlarly.
And the streets are so crowd! And you can't take a cab!
And you can't drink in the streets... but people are so drunk!
It's cold and they are in small clothes - as not small as in Brasil carnival, of course!
During the day my store was invaded for small kids and supper young teenagers asking for TRICKS AND TREATS.
And at night I went to Patrick's house. They are in the mood for Halloween.
Antonio made this beautiful indian outfit by himself.
Patrick wanna be The Joker. And I did my best. See in the pictures above my masterpiece make up.
We went to the parade. A big mess into the Greenwich Village Streets.
You can't move. Sometimes you fell total lost.
A hand in your hand could help. But you can't have this all time.
In that journey I met The Oscar. And The Oscar won An Actress.
Diferent parties. Diferent beers.
I'm writing and I don't know where I'm going to.
I'm tired. Exausted.
I had this struggle with The Joker last night.
And I like to put my strenght in him.
It's better I finish here. See the pictures.
Have fun!
And don't forget: WHY SO SERIOUS?
Because I'M THE SERIOUS BOY.
And THIS MASK?
THIS MASK IS BECOUSE I'M A SERIOUS BOY PRETENDING I'M NOT.

Can The Joker lead someone to seriously?

it's halloween...

Today I decided to listen Smashing Pumpkins. It's my celebration for Halloween.
I didn't buy myself a costume, so...
However I can use my creativity and say people that I dressed myself up like someone in love. Ohhh ohhhhh... this is not a fantasie. IT'LL NOT WORK.
But today for the first time since I came to NY I'm wearing a tie. A black thin tie.
Maybe to show people that I'm a serious man. A serious man who's getting 28 in next monday. Or just to create an atmosphere around myself for Halloween.


HALLOWEEN IS LIKE CARNIVAL. BUT IT'S NOT SUMMER HERE.

And there's another point. I really don't understand very clear the meaning behind TRICK OR TREAT. What is it mean one and other choice?
A few minutes ago with my safety back I wrote a message for that guy asking him about TRICK OR TREAT... and now I'm having like a deja vu, because I felt that I wrote this before. UOUWWWW!

TREAT, please.
TREAT, please.
TREAT, please.

... and I find myself completely lost in translation.
Like in Sofia Copolla's movie. JAPANESE, ENGLISH, YOUNG, OLD, TIME, HEART. A mess in translation. Hard all time.
But I have this idea. There is this beautiful family who lives in my neighborhodd and they have two adorable kids: Ruby and Lake.
Ruby is a 5 years old princess girl. And Lake a red hair 2 years old little boy.
Ruby made my day one time. I was upset and she came to my store door and asked me:
- Can I tell you something?
- Of course, Ruby. Go there.
- I love your smile!
Kiddo! They have this kind of permission to say anything and even they can transform words in magic. And my idea is ask Ruby to teach me what is the meaning in TRICKS AND TREATS. Maybe she can put a big smile in my face again.
What do you thing?


Ai ai ai ai ai... this homesick!
H-O-M-E-S-I-C-K-!
it looks like the miles away from PARIS TEXAS.

my sister has that kind of magic.

conversantion in messenger, october 29, 18h 15min.

young and restless says:

now do you stay home all day?

manu.ela says:

ai ai ai

yes... I used to gou out... but only in sunny days

days like this nebulous... I don't like

but I know... stay home all day is not good for a couple!

[...]

I listen Debussy

young and restless says:

RISOS

manu.ela says:

what? what?
young and restless says:

but what do you mean "it's not good for a couple"? is it everything ok with you guys right?
manu.ela says:

yes. everything ok.

we love each other.

it's fine.

I'm just a little queasy.

of all!

[...]

I'm going to travel on next friday.

I'll be back on wendnesday.

young and restless says:

where are you going to?

manu.ela says:

I'm going to do a transcendental work with my friend yuri firmeza

in florianopolis

we have been talking about it for a while

young and restless says:
cool!
manu.ela says:

and now we're going to put in practice

young and restless says:
floripa!
manu.ela says:
I know, yeahhhhhhh!

this give an up in my life
young and restless says:

you should try to see christian before he move to sao paulo

he's moving in a few days.

manu.ela says:

I know. I talked with him.

[...]

I'm wishing to do something new.

young and restless says:

do you have my new phone number?

manu.ela says:
no, I don't. tell me now!
young and restless says:
011 1 646 544 5482
manu.ela says:
mmmmmm
good... carinho
life is so crazy!

I didn't win nothng in art!

young and restless says:
what do you mean?
manu.ela says:

no prizes no nothing. bulhufas

or I'm not having a good presentation... or I'm not doing anything right...

don't know
young and restless says:
but what about the itau cultural?

is it this days right?

manu.ela says:

I had this great impulse this week and decided to pay myself for my little book.

I want to this 60 pages book.

AVESSO.

young and restless says:

this is fantastic!
manu.ela says:

I wondered that saving some of my money from the little works I'm doing in diagramming

I can pay for it by myself.

And after I run the world trying to sell.

in the same spirit of the t-shirts line...

and that t-shirts are sustaining me...

yesterday I went to take some money at the store

ppppppppppppppppppp: 115 reais.

very good.

[...]

so this is what I'm going to do

all by myself

the only good thought of the week!

boooo!

[...]

I think we are both crazy.

it must be scorpio which came.

young and restless says:

now it's going to be a good time to sell t-shirts.... summer in Brasil

this is good.

manu.ela says:
yes yes yes
auuuu
young and restless says:

do you have cam?

manu.ela says:
love
no, the MAC not acept cam by msn
hahahhahaa

young and restless says:
RISOS
this is shit!
ai.... I really wanna play some snooker this night...

but if I go alone to that gay bar where I know they have snooker .... I gonna be crazy... And I'm not in this mood... not yet...

manu.ela says:
i want speeck english with you!
young and restless says:
speak
manu.ela says:
speakkk
aloca!
easy!
sivuuuca!

young and restless says:
sicuta (poison)
manu.ela says:
and about the guy?
young and restless.says:
what?
manu.ela says:
what's going on?
I thought you half difuse today at the phone

confused

young and restless says:
what do you mean?

manu.ela says:

difuse about the man.

you spoke a half without love for him.ao homem
look the sicuta (poison)

young and restless.says:

I fell unsure... enough to don't know what to do.

manu.ela says:

sivuca!
mmmmmm
auauauauauaua!

[...]

what it means restless?

young and restless says:
inquieto.
manu.ela says:
mmmmmmm
mmmmmmmm, I know. I know.
but.... life is going on!

young and restless says:

yeah... I know you know.

manu.ela says:

with omelete or without omelete?

with snooker or without snooker?

young and restless says:

my omelete is done with real eggs.

manu.ela says:
auauauaauuaau
I think... I think you should put yourself into it a little bit more.
the good think about like someone is to take some risks for our lovers.

I spoke this but I had been so tired...

I'd like to spend sometime alone.

soometime I think about to get a regular job, pay for my own rental... a place for me only

[...]

I think I'm becoming a woman.

A woman who wishes to write in a old machine, completely alone, have some cats and

drink martini bianco!

young and restless says:
RISOS.

I'm really laughing.

manu.ela says:
auauauuauaa
risossss
rissosss
I'm talking seriusssssss
young and restless says:

but what do you mean with "take more risks"?

manu.ela says:
auauauuauaua
i think...

you always gave your face to be punched (can I say this in english?)

don't stop!

go!

you don't need to feel afraid about being happy or unhappy

and if he get in...............

...............

wonderful!

beauty!

if he not...

you lose... he loses.

young and restless says:

you and your magic!

I love you.
manu.ela says:
I need to go out.

beijos
beijos
amo todo voxeee
young and restless says:
beijos love...
manu.ela says:
no hablo englishh
auuuuu
pero i love
young and restless. says:
te quiero muchacha

and do you remember the amulet lucia gave me when I was coming to NY?

she told: this is completely you... you always believe...

and she gave me that enamel... and I was like: ahhhhaahhhh?

she told me: read the name of this colour...

and...

it was there.....

FINAL FELIZ.

I'm such a silly.

a beliver...

bye mon amour.

te quiero toda.

beijo.

And after all,

I take that FINAL FELIZ

in my hands

and decided to keep all my windows open

to receive the rain.

Even a storm.

homesick:

and last day I had my first homesick. at really I felt that she's coming since last week. slowly. quietly. yellow. and finally, she touched me with her thin long fingers. everybody told me that when she comes for the first time is unforgettable. and in this way to make her as strong as she deserves to be I cried all day. RISOS.
ok ok. not all day. however almost all day.
and in this mood I called to friends in Brasil.
friends who live in porto alegre. florianopolis. sao paulo. and we cryed together. we laughed too. mariela was dressing herself up to jo's goodbye party.
christian told me he's anxious about moving to sao paulo.
and mario... well... mario wanna go to Berlim.
they are all fine. my friends. and I felt better after all.
it was a cold day yesterday. windy. rainy. it was a perfect day to someone like me fell alone.
or like you too. I know.

suddenly I was prepare to know that in London was snowing...
snowing....................................................................................................................................

I had a great conversation with Cesar. he sent me his snowing picture.
even I sent him a "small smile with just a half mounth" and he asked me:
WHY JUST HALF SMILE?
I told him that when you give someone a half smile it's to looks like SAFADO (word that I don't know how to write in english... but sounds like sexy). and he toldme back:
STILL IN THIS WAY I PREFER YOU WHOLE: WHOLE SMILING.
ok ladies and gentlemen. that was the end of my first homesick.

I DO PREFER MY SELF WHOLE SMILING TOO.

and later, at the end of my day work, I went to Brooklyn. To Claudia's house.
and if you'd come live in New York like me and feel sad or mad or bad,
you can take a J train and cross the Williamburg Bridge at night.
and if the top of Empire State would be IN PURPLE AND RED, or in any other color that you prefer, you will feel so warm and so lucky for being here that you never would want to go back.

welcome to my second text in english.

This is totally ridiculous. I arrived at my job now and started to read the last text - my first english one - and ... and ... and ... I'M LOOKING LIKE A BOY IN HIS FIFTEEN YEARS OLD BIRTHDAY TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THAT HE IS NOT GAY.
And I'm talking abou style. Writing style. I don't have enough words to write a good english text. Imagine if I dare write a poem?!?!?

But things are getting better. Yeasterday I learned two new english words: peel - which is ridiculous I didn't know, and shade. Do you want to sit at the shade? This kind of teacher I have who taught me this two words... this guy is a good teacher. Even he taught me how do kiss in american english. I liked.
And I tried do teach him how to say a lot of diferents words in portuguese and he learned how to say ABOBRINHA. That was it ABOBRINHA?

But putting the ABOBRINHAS in their place, today my good friend JO sent me a message telling me that she and KADU are moving on to Sao Paulo and this make me feel so happy about them. They are Sao Paulo's face. And I wish good vibrations to them.
And it was the JO message who inspired me to write today. It's because in her lines she sent me this video from MIRANDA JULY who I introcuded her a long time ago. It's a beautiful 3 minutos video in Miranda's style, that is so closed to me. Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asyWVtoCjNM
[...]

arE yoU thE favoritE persoN oF anybodY?

This is a really hard question. Can you answer? Even it's easier to answer when the question is: do you have any favorite person? Yeah... it's easy! It's easy man! NOT TO MUCH, sometimes. Sometimes you just want to pretend your stonger than the other or try to preserve your self-estim - what I thing it's so stupid!

I can see myself in the perfect way answering this question.

I'll be a black beatiful lady with a big flower in my hair

completely drunk and sitting over a piano.

Then someone ask in loud tone:

DO YOU HAVE ANY FAVORITE PERSON?

And I start to sing:

I'VE GOT MY LOVE TO KEEP ME WARM.

And now another one punch my face and yelle:

WAKE UP, DUDE! THIS IS THE BILLIE HOLLIDAY'S LIFE!

Oh yeah... this is just another song. RISOS.

Ok. Ok. I'm being boring. I know. I know. But what it matters is that at this time I am rediscovering the pleasure in writing. I had forgotten this pleasure for 7 years, I thought. And sometimes you cannot say a name of a favorite person, but you can say a name of someone who did you rediscover the pleasure in writing.

the super heroes.

it's like a bang. a shoot right in the middle of the chest of our super hero. a loud bang. and our super hero is not the type with super powers. he didn't come from another planet. he didn't suffer with any kind of radiation. and bang! a loud bang in his chest. this super hero only have a super heavy fag bag to protect him. it's like if he take his house into that fag bag.

a shoot. a bang. a fag. a bag.

and this super hero. me.

there's no villain in this comics. only good characters.

both super heroes.

the first one you already know. 

now let me introduce you the other: the shinning man.

this is really a special kind of super hero because he can shine. and sometimes in the winter, when this super hero find people who enjoy to feel the sun in their faces, he shines even more and more and people feel so facinated that nobody can turn their faces to other side. they keep watching to the shine hero.

I don't know how to continue this history. I don't know how to describe the characters feelings.

I know that the shine hero has a dog. this dog hair is caramel. this dog is a lady dog.

in life you can choose your own super hero. even you can pretend to be a super hero.

and at night if you pray really hard you can have your desires done.

but you need to be careful. what is your desire? are you really sure?

voila!

and suddently you can be in a gay bar in chelsea,  X E S, beside someone that you really care, among the other people all watching desperate housewives in big plasma televisions, having so much fun that you'll feel scared.

but my friend demoiselle lucia told me one day in the phone, a long distance call from the hot summer to the cold winter, she told me: you're like the invertion of apollo. apollo had all tools to the war, to the struggle, to fight brave and never feel tired. but he didn't have any tool for love. you Th, sailor Th, marujo de ti mesmo, you have all.

and in quite silence, now really distant from that first bang!, the super hero, the super sailor, me, is figuring out if it's time to close some windows in his temple.

at the end I remember fernanda torres in walter salles movie TERRA ESTRANGEIRA:

- HERE IS NOT BRASIL.

here each city is an island, no strings, no paths

and the afraid around us.

so welcome to my land

made by men in war

and other mad to love.

Man Next Door

Ontem eu era lago. Fui dormir e ja era rio. Acordei cachoeira.
Recebi fotos do Brasil e a cachoeira quase-quase virou mar. Imensidao de agua cainda dos olhos-cachoeira.
Falei com minha amiga Diva Mariela e descobri que por sermos amigas acabamos tendo ciclos identicos. E ai ela me disse: sou cachoeira tambem.


IN-TEN-SI-DA-DE.
Palavra que por si so ja vem derrubando tudo. Avassaladora.
Eu as vezes penso em como eu gostaria de ser desses tipos praticos e matematicos, com metas claras e financeiras.
Trabalhar mais, ganhar mais, salvar mais dinheiro, investir mais, ganhar mais, trabalhar e trabalhar e trabalhar, e comprar uma casa, e ganhar mais, e vender a casa e comprar outra maior, e carro e outro carro e lancha e casa na praia... e infinititamente como uma progressao geometrica (porque essa sim e muito mais poderosa que a progressao aritmetica... essa outra multiplica!).
Mas sempre caio na verdade de mim. Esse tipo de intensidade que me faz mudar de cidade, mudar de destino, acreditar e acreditar que vai dar certo, e que mesmo que nao de, virar cachoeira e saber que depois serei MAR. E dai tudo comeca denovo.
INTENSIDADE PLUS TIPO QUATRO POR QUATRO FORD RANGER ou algum outro ainda mais poderoso veiculo que eu desconheca, porque tambem nao sei dirigir e nao tenho vontade de aprender.

Tenho vontade de aprender a voar. Isso sim. Pode ser ate de Asa-Delta. Sim sim... de Asa-Delta na praia e jogado na areia. Risos... Marque-se de BIKINI.

BIKINI 'e um bar tipicamente americano que tem aqui no Chelsea, sabia?
E no auge do frio a calefacao esta ligada e as meninas estao sempre de BIKINI. Mas nao sao brasileiras nao. Nao Senhor. Parecem ser garotas de bikini do leste europeu.
No dia que fui la tinha esse homem por quem I HAVE A CRUSH ON. E ele pegou na minha mao e depois soltou. E dai dublou entre gestos e sorrisos uma musica do AC/DC. Risos. E pegou na minha mao denovo. Pensei comigo: tomara que ele nao solte... tomara que ele nao solte...
Mas se o homem precisasse ir ao banheiro, por exemplo, ele teria que largar da minha mao.
E isso 'e como uma matematica. E dois mais dois.

Agora to com esses planos de comecar a fotografar. Fotografar e publicar. Agilizar meu tempo.

O homem que tava segurando minha mao voltou. E disse que estava esperando chuva. Ou entao e talvez e dentro de possibilidades variaveis - o que nao 'e a mesma matematica da qual eu estava falando - ele tenha dito outra coisa. Uma coisa numa lingua que eu nao entendi. Podia ter sido em ingles. 'E... em ingles. Porque voce sabe, as vezes mesmo na tua lingua original voce nao entende o que outros te dizem.
Mas foi assim... em ingles: RAIN!
E eu disse... sem confessar a ele que as palavras que eu usaria eram da maior escritora brasileira de sempre e sempre e tambem porque na verdade o que eu iria dizer nao pertenceria mais a ela, SERIA SO MEU E VINDO DE MIM. Eu disse ao homem assim:

I'm waiting for rain too. And when the rain falls down, I'm going to open all the windows in my house and naked I'll receive the water which falls from the sky.

Agora voce entende? Acho que sim. Que voce me entende muito bem... que voce sabe exatamente da intensidade que estou me referindo.

To ficando dramatico denovo.
E logo eu que iniciei-me no aprendizado silencioso do nao pedir. NO EXPECTATIONS.

Agora preciso ir.
E se no fim de toda essa matematica inversa voce achar que estou triste... na na ni na na!

To e' faceiro.

Ansioso:

Assustado:

mas com aquela faceirice brejeira

de quem nao perde o sotaque do inteior.