and if...

And if happyness is just moments?

And if happyness never is the whole thing?

Sometimes we are trying to reach this mood, which is a concept word, without seeing really clear. I read again the review about the REVOLUTIONARY ROAD and I can say know that is pretty clear for me what the journalist was saying, but I'm always trying to convice me of the opposite.

When in your life can you say that you was really happy?

Can you remember this time?

Can you describe?

At the end, it is really just moments. Our lifes are like rollercoasters. Some people had a big one. Others prefere tho have a small and soft one. I like that kind of rollercoasters who make me feel like I'm going to die. I want the whole thing.

But last night I prepared this improvise great goodbye dinner to my friend Nadia who is coming back to Brussels. We decided to do that in the middle of the afternoon. I like surprises and improvised things. Nadia agreed.

So I called Patricia my roommate who adored all the history. She decided to call her friend Matheu to invite him. I said: call Cristina too. And I called to another friends.

It will be my first time cooking for people in New York. I was really excited and wanted to promote a great time for Nadia and this people I like.

At the time we are seven.

I was preparing my chicken and spinachi risotto. We smoked some pot and drink a lot of wine.

Nadia was telling me that it looked like I was naked. Nothing protecting me.

And it was truth. I was feeling so myself and HAPPY for doing that, for having that great moment with real and good people, for making jokes, for being high, for be someone who still can shows himself without any fear.

HAPPYNESS. A MOMENT THAT YOU CAN DESCRIBE AND SAY:

"I HAD THE WHOLE THING THAT NIGHT."

We stood together up to 3 a.m.

Laughing. Smoking. Drinking. Listen. Talking.

I shared my bed with Nadia.

I woke up beside her and listen: Bonjour, mon chou!

I didn't told her at that moment that since I had opened my eyes I started to think about something who makes me really sad. Something who makes me doubt, that makes me want to live my life in a diferent way.

I replied: Bom dia, minha linda!

We had lunch at home and decided to walk. It was a beautiful day, with an amazing sun light to warm us. We have been together for the last 15 days. And we still have this pleasure in share our personal histories.

Since I arrived in NY I listened some sentences about the city.

NEW YORK IS FOR LUCKY PEOPLE.

NEW YORK IS FOR STRONG ONES.

NEW YORK IS A CITY WHERE YOU CAME TO HAVE FORGIVENESS.

This last one is disturbing me since I heard.

Forgiveness?

Maybe we, human beings, are charging to much of ourselves in this "pursuit of happyness" that is getting so annoying and confused that we are putting a lot of guilt for just living our lifes. And what we are living is the real thing. The whole one. All the rest, is just something we pretend to be better than what we have. And this is not about ambition. It's about ...

Yes. It's about that.